The Empowered Lifestyle

I love this headline that's running on AOL today..."Obama tells auto industry it's my way or the highway." How funny is that? I want to marry that writer. But then Christopher would be so upset. Don't worry honey, I'm not jeopardizing our future in the Blue Lagoon.

But, just in case he thinks I'm being a bit delusionally stalky, well, I'm getting it all together to make ALL THE TONS OF RELATIONSHIP VIBES around in April work for me too. Hear that Atkins? Okay, so, listen, don't forget that Venus, the planet of love and beauty and money and....and....and...is still retrograde or stalled and stuck right now (sound relationship familiar to anyone?) but she starts moving forward again on April 17. Mark your calendars and get out the red sheets.

And, then, one of the most SUPER SIZZLING SEXY STELLAR DAYS of the WHOLE YEAR is April 21. But we need to start prepping now to take advantage of those vibes. So, here goes for today....there are certain plants that when bought inside the house during certain months activate certain intentional vibes. Did ya get all that?

Okay, so the plants that please in April are (IN THIS ORDER TOO!): the cherry blossom, the tulip and the hyacinth. There is a particular gender specific cure in Feng Shui that is aimed at men only and says that any single man looking for the love of his life should put an image of a cherry or plum blossom branch or tree over his bed and then know that it won't be long before love blooms and grows just for him.

For all the rest of us, get some cherry blossoms or tulips or hyacinths (pink, purple) and plant them somewhere where you will see them in your space. They bring love. And angels. In April.

Tomorrow I'm going to be offering a special attractor oil recipe. Slippery when wet. Just sayin.

For now, buh bye March and hellllllloooooooo lovuh.

April! Yay!

Kinda tired today, you know, after dreaming about hostile alien invasions ALL last night. No, not the ones threatening the Mexican border but Will Smith 'Independence Day' ones. Probably not helped at all that I am in middle of completing my July Shuistrology column, and, well, that I'm the female Oliver Stone either. Really a conspiracy nut at heart. Don't know why though. But, listen, not only was I dreaming of aliens invading the earth and actually nuking us but also that Donald Trump was my boyfriend and when all else was lost and I was facing my own mortality I knew that I didn't really love him and so wouldn't get on the Trump helicopter in order to try and avoid the armegeddon.

I then went in search of the Starsky, you know, the dark headed guy from Starsky and Hutch. I'd google his real name but I don't have time. It wasn't David Soul though. I remember his name from 'Here Come the Brides'...once again, youngsters, only a show I heard about longggggg after it ended. But now I won't be able to get that Seattle theme song out of my mind all day.

Obviously I shouldn't have been watching the 'Celeb Apprentice' when the meteor or whatever the hell that thing was, hit last night. Obviously I should have been surfing to see if Huggy Bear was anywhere around. But, honestly, Huggy Bear/Dennis Rodman..is there really any difference.

So, it's approx 9:45 when my son comes into my room and announces that there was just some really BIG lightning outside his window. REALLY BIG LIGHTNING. Like, I could tell he was a little scared even.

I didn't see it. I was too busy watching an unintended and uninvited alcohol intervention happen to Rodman in the Trump boardroom. And, like Joan Rivers, it made me really sad. Almost as sad as Stephen Baldwin's career is.

Anyway, I did get up and go to shut all the open windows in some of the other rooms since my lil guy was so shook up about this big, brilliant flash. And, then, it happened. While I was walking from one room to another, there was a blast....a boom....a sound so big it literally moved my house from top to bottom. I, literally (I swear this is true) reached for something to hold onto because my house was breathing and pulsing from some sort of aftershock. And, well, if we thought the little lacrosse player was a bit antsy before.....

We just assumed it was lighting and thunder. Of a freak variety. Seriously freak. One strike and one loud clap. Weird.

And, then, from my window I started to see all sorts of lights in the sky. The kind attached to spaceships. Although I'm quite sure EVERYONE would tell me they were government crafts exploring the source of the explosion/blast, I say they were spaceships.

Hence, the wacky dreams. Wonder I could get to sleep at all being all Whitley Streiber before slumber.

Then, this morning I'm telling Kath the story and she tells me that they had some seriously strange lightning and thunder activity in New York around the same time last night. But they then had rain. We just had fear.

I told her I tweeted, facetiously, to see if that Korean missile was still poised. I mean, this was some event last night. Clearly I am still impacted. Kath being Kath told me it was weather happening here and there. But, the news reports all share that the explosion was seen from Maryland to North Carolina and everywhere in between. And that the National Weather Service has confirmed, conclusively, that it was NOT weather related.

The government however, can't even come up with their traditional and non-sensical excuses. Usually involving a weather balloon. As if. No word from them at all. Any government agencies at all.

So, when I finally convinced Kath that this was either a nuke or a meteor she ventured that so far I must be lucky that the wind hasn't turned in our direction. I agree.

VERY funny Kathleen! HA!

In any case, at one point I woke at about 4 in the morning and there were several crafts with blinking lights all over the place outside my bedroom window. I quickly turned over and smooshed my face into my pillow and pulled the covers up over my head and then remembered what an Native American Shaman and Indian Medicine woman once taught me....

If ever you are really and truly frightened clap your hands, LOUDLY, three times and yell:

HEY WOGEY

HEY WOGEY

HEY WOGEY

Three times. This is an ancient and traditional way of calling in the ancestors and the guides and all manner of protection on an immediate and emergency basis.

Those wogeys were pressed into action here in the Sacred Space last night.

And, well, I'm here to tell the story. As opposed to being forced to make egg white omelets for tired and hungry aliens. You know, before they stick foreign objects inside me to find out why I like Pinot Noir so much.

Hey Wogey

Hey Wogey

Hey Wogey

Memorize it and use it whenever you feel threatened and in danger.

Just gotta love this job.

Nanu Nanu.

The end of the rainbow reveals itself two weeks from today.

You don't need to finish your Treasure Map all in one sitting. You have until the Full Moon fifteen days from today to get all your ducks quacking.

BUT THE MAP MUST BE COMPLETED BY THAT DATE.

Or else.

And just don't make me tell you what that "or else" will be because, you know, it's so scary you'll have to take the rest of the day off.

Go on now Treasure Seeker and seek away.

Hooray for you and your rainbow!

It's here! It's here! The first day of the New Moon in Aries, the ONE SINGLE DAY A YEAR we can construct a vision board or Treasure Map and BE ASSURED that at least one of our dearly held dreams and desires will manifest! Cause that's how WE roll!

And oh, did I have a hard time picking an image to go with today's post. Should it be one of my future husband Chris Atkins...you know a little pic of us getting all sandy at the Blue Lagoon, OR, should I finally buckle down and find the house of my dreams OR, do I dare....put a flatscreen in the Fame area to activate (againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn) the whole TV intent? Hey, I know, I'll do it all! Because Mama's that kind of ambi-intentional guru. Uh huh.

Okay, enough about me. What do YOU think about me? jk.

Here now, the info on the priceless Treasure Map:

1. Use any piece of poster board, large or small paper even or even a corkboard. You can design a screensaver if you know how. And if you do, well, what are you doing reading this post??? You're too smart and creative for me and you make me jealous. Go away. OMG, just kidding for goodness sake. Anwyay, cover the whole thing (front and back if you've been scissor happy the last few days...yeah, yeah, been there/done that.) Cover with symbols, images, pictures and words that rep your hopes and wishes and soon to be immediately gratifying dreams. Put all appropriate symbols in the same places as the corresponding energies would go on the tic-tac-toe board called the Bagua map (see www.ellenwhitehurst.com. Scroll down on home page to link marked Bagua and take it from there.) Save the biggest, most important goals for the CENTER of the map.
2. Put a picture of YOU that YOU LOVE in the middle of this board. Can be when you were two or taken two minutes ago but you HAVE to love it. That lets out about 90% of my pics. No kidding. The camera HATES me. And forget about it adding ten pounds. It thinks it's hysterical to sneak in an extra forty or fifty on top of that ten. Bastard!
3. Use verbal affirmations as you create your visual ones. It's important to create this map in a conducive to manifesting environment. Play music you groove, shimmy and shake to. Then the energies will do the same and pretty soon you're in your own Shui Studio 54. Could I date myself any more? For the youngins, don't bother googling, you'll never come back here again. And, really, I was only a toddler when that dancing drug den was famous. REALLY, I SWEAR. Anyway, you should pick an affirmation and stick with it all during this building process. Burn a green candle if you can. Music, candlelight, positive affirmations ("In Divine Mind there is only completion, therefore, my demonstration is completed. My perfect work, my perfect home, my perfect health." Couldn't have said it better myself Flo Shinn, thanks!) Okay, again, music, candlelight, sweet nothings...all we need is a nice Chianti.
4. Any leftover pics, affirmations, words or symbols should be kept inside a box of some sort. Keep cutting and adding to this treasure trove. If something that you put on the original/initial map comes true (which, it will!) then paste or affix a new intention over the thing that's happened. Likewise, if something you thought you wanted becomes a less than ideal intention, cover up.
5. Put this map somewhere where you can see it but, hopefully not out for display for the entire world. Now I get it that there are studio apts in Manhattan that don't leave much opportunity for that, but, think outside that box. All else fails, just throw a sheet or scarf over it when people come to play. These are YOUR dreams and goals. And you are making them come true. We don't need any hands tied because we're worried what the new boyfriend will think. Remember he just lost his job at Goldman so he's the one who should be down on hands and knees makin' this map. For real.
6. IDEALLY you should spy this map before you go to sleep and as soon as you wake up each morn and then spend a few minutes each day KNOWING these things are going to come true for you in some way or shape or form. REALLY IDEALLY you would look at it before you fall off to sleep and then go into slumberland saying (silently or aloud) your affirmation. Same thing when you wake up.
5. Each year on the date of the New Moon in Aries should either find you updating this old map or starting an entirely new one. Bless that which has manifested for you and be appropriately grateful. And, remember, just because you put a picture of a Porshe in the WEALTH area doesn't necessarily mean that this map didn't work if you're not driving down the Autobahn next to Chris Atkins in our Ferrari by next summer. Rather if your current car payment gets reduced by any amount of money for any reason, well, you're working it and it's working for you.

Now, go forth and prosper. And don't worry about looking somewhere over the end of the rainbow, everything you need should be sitting somewhere right in front of you. Today. Including the fast track to that proverbial pot 'o gold. Cut and paste, cut and paste. Ohhhh la la.

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Shouldn't I be meditating or praying for world peace or reading or even be out challenging the morals clauses in my contracts by dancing topless on a table somewhere at night? Oh, okay, forget that last part, it's even too silly for me to think about. But, really, can't I find anything and I mean ANYTHING more constructive to do on a Tuesday night then put myself through the paces switching between Biggest Loser back to Dancing with the Stars and then over to Real Housewives?

What kind of example am I setting for my kid. Oh, right, I don't have to worry because he really doesn't see me while his ass is super glued to the desk chair while he plays XBOX Live. Wait, I'll be back in a minute, I have to go spit shine that Mom of the Year crown.

Back again.

So, anyway, in no discernible format, my thoughts about last night's television festivus:

How much longer can Steve-O and Woz go on Dancing? Seriously, I thought it was very voyeur to watch when he was dating Kathy Griffin on her Bravo show since I sooooo didn't get it, but, now, I wonder what I'm missing since apparently the rest of the country sees something charming in him that I don't. Now, don't get me wrong, I think billions of dollars is as much an aphrodisiac as the next person (oh, just kidding, don't write) but, puhleezeeeee, someone get the hook. Well, a couple of someones pull him off.

And, I have never thought anything at all about Steve-O except that show he was on, that I would NOT let my son and friends watch here (spit and shine, pfffffft and shine)was so adequately named for the whole bunch. Oh, yeah, it was called JACKASS. Hee haw, Steve-O. And, seriously, what producer did the prep work here? Do they know he's tried to commit suicide MULTIPLE times inside the trenches of battling his drug addictions..and all within the last few years. Who thought it was a good idea to dress him up like a carnival barker and send him out on stage? I'm so confused.

At least there seems to be some redemption watching the Losers over on NBC. Except the one daughter girl who is driving me crazy trying to build a media platform by CONSTANTLY telling us, every single time she gets any face time on camera, how she is the poster child for the rest of us sitting at home with a bowl of Haagen Daz keeping company. Look, I think it's great that she's the first ever woman to penetrate the 100 pound plateau and I think it's even greater for her since she started out weighing midway between 3 and 400 pounds! But, I just think that she should get off her soapbox and back on the treadmill and then when she hits a size 14/16, feel free to tell the rest of us how to get off our lazy television watching asses to take those last twenty off. I just cannot relate to someone sitting alongside a half of Subway sandwich and a personal trainer telling me how I can do the same thing she's doing. I have nighttime TV to watch for Chrissakes.

But, I do like that show now more than Dancing because I just don't understand how they are sending home couples who clearly are more competitive in favor of Hef's ex and a Jackass and, well, I don't even know how to categorize Woz. But I like Jewel's husband, he seems so sweet. I want to see lil Kim lose a pasty in front of him. On camera. PRETTY PLEASE ABC??

Okay, over to the Housewives.

Nah, never mind. It's too ridiculous. Way, way, too ridiculous. Okay, I do have to say this....do these women watch the playbacks and realize how they are slaughtering the Queen's English. The Countess might be making some dough with her new etiquette book but, seriously, the only class she should be attending is a grammar one, accent on the personal pronoun. I'll go with if you want LuAnn. Then you can tell your friends, "her and I went to the 92nd Street Y last night for some grammar lessons." I promise I'll keep my elbows off the table.

So, there you have it. Another mindless night around the Sacred Space. When I could have been praying for world peace or meditating or even twittering that Venus is still retrograde and that you shouldn't be pushing ANY ROMANTIC AGENDA at all! RISKY BUSINESS while Venus, the planet of love and money is moving backward.

If you feel you MUST do SOMETHING to make the partner manifest your hopes and dreams then start by downloading an image of the double happiness symbol and mount that on pink construction paper and get ready to put that in the Relationship/Romance area of your bedroom or even on that same spot of your Treasure Map.

Step away from the phone and the text and spend time visualizing what you want your romantic future to look like. We'll start moving those intentions forward in mid-April when Venus starts forward again.

Until then, don't say I didn't warn you.

DOUBLE.

HAPPINESS.

SYMBOL.

You're welcome.