The Empowered Lifestyle

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Shouldn't I be meditating or praying for world peace or reading or even be out challenging the morals clauses in my contracts by dancing topless on a table somewhere at night? Oh, okay, forget that last part, it's even too silly for me to think about. But, really, can't I find anything and I mean ANYTHING more constructive to do on a Tuesday night then put myself through the paces switching between Biggest Loser back to Dancing with the Stars and then over to Real Housewives?

What kind of example am I setting for my kid. Oh, right, I don't have to worry because he really doesn't see me while his ass is super glued to the desk chair while he plays XBOX Live. Wait, I'll be back in a minute, I have to go spit shine that Mom of the Year crown.

Back again.

So, anyway, in no discernible format, my thoughts about last night's television festivus:

How much longer can Steve-O and Woz go on Dancing? Seriously, I thought it was very voyeur to watch when he was dating Kathy Griffin on her Bravo show since I sooooo didn't get it, but, now, I wonder what I'm missing since apparently the rest of the country sees something charming in him that I don't. Now, don't get me wrong, I think billions of dollars is as much an aphrodisiac as the next person (oh, just kidding, don't write) but, puhleezeeeee, someone get the hook. Well, a couple of someones pull him off.

And, I have never thought anything at all about Steve-O except that show he was on, that I would NOT let my son and friends watch here (spit and shine, pfffffft and shine)was so adequately named for the whole bunch. Oh, yeah, it was called JACKASS. Hee haw, Steve-O. And, seriously, what producer did the prep work here? Do they know he's tried to commit suicide MULTIPLE times inside the trenches of battling his drug addictions..and all within the last few years. Who thought it was a good idea to dress him up like a carnival barker and send him out on stage? I'm so confused.

At least there seems to be some redemption watching the Losers over on NBC. Except the one daughter girl who is driving me crazy trying to build a media platform by CONSTANTLY telling us, every single time she gets any face time on camera, how she is the poster child for the rest of us sitting at home with a bowl of Haagen Daz keeping company. Look, I think it's great that she's the first ever woman to penetrate the 100 pound plateau and I think it's even greater for her since she started out weighing midway between 3 and 400 pounds! But, I just think that she should get off her soapbox and back on the treadmill and then when she hits a size 14/16, feel free to tell the rest of us how to get off our lazy television watching asses to take those last twenty off. I just cannot relate to someone sitting alongside a half of Subway sandwich and a personal trainer telling me how I can do the same thing she's doing. I have nighttime TV to watch for Chrissakes.

But, I do like that show now more than Dancing because I just don't understand how they are sending home couples who clearly are more competitive in favor of Hef's ex and a Jackass and, well, I don't even know how to categorize Woz. But I like Jewel's husband, he seems so sweet. I want to see lil Kim lose a pasty in front of him. On camera. PRETTY PLEASE ABC??

Okay, over to the Housewives.

Nah, never mind. It's too ridiculous. Way, way, too ridiculous. Okay, I do have to say this....do these women watch the playbacks and realize how they are slaughtering the Queen's English. The Countess might be making some dough with her new etiquette book but, seriously, the only class she should be attending is a grammar one, accent on the personal pronoun. I'll go with if you want LuAnn. Then you can tell your friends, "her and I went to the 92nd Street Y last night for some grammar lessons." I promise I'll keep my elbows off the table.

So, there you have it. Another mindless night around the Sacred Space. When I could have been praying for world peace or meditating or even twittering that Venus is still retrograde and that you shouldn't be pushing ANY ROMANTIC AGENDA at all! RISKY BUSINESS while Venus, the planet of love and money is moving backward.

If you feel you MUST do SOMETHING to make the partner manifest your hopes and dreams then start by downloading an image of the double happiness symbol and mount that on pink construction paper and get ready to put that in the Relationship/Romance area of your bedroom or even on that same spot of your Treasure Map.

Step away from the phone and the text and spend time visualizing what you want your romantic future to look like. We'll start moving those intentions forward in mid-April when Venus starts forward again.

Until then, don't say I didn't warn you.

DOUBLE.

HAPPINESS.

SYMBOL.

You're welcome.